Match Made in Crazy Heaven

Just when you think American politics can’t get any crazier, Ted Cruz puts out this ad.

So the patriarch of the Duck Dynasty clan is endorsing Ted Cruz for president and for some inexplicable reason I assume that it’s a valuable endorsement to lock up. What world is this that we are living in?

“My qualifications for president of the United States are rather narrow: Is he or she godly? Does he or she love us? Can he or she do the job? And finally would they kill a duck and put him in a pot and make him a good duck gumbo?” Robertson said. “Cruz fits the bill.”

Well alrighty then. Looks like Phil isn’t too interested in policy details. Good to see at least one presidential candidate meets those incredibly high standards for election to the most powerful office in the world. I like to imagine Cruz locking up Robertson’s endorsement by saying ‘yes’ four times.

Phil:  Now, Teddy, I’ve got some questions for you before you get my endorsement. I have to say, that face paint has you off to a good start.  Let’s get going with this – are you a god-fearing man?

Cruz: Yes.

Phil:  Good to know. Do you love Duck Dynasty?

Cruz: Yes.

Phil:  2 for 2! Now let’s get serious. Can you do the job?

Cruz:  Yes?

Phil:  You’re on a roll! Shoot that duck! …. Nice shot! Tell me, Teddy boy, will you put that dead duck in a pot and make a good duck gumbo?

Cruz:  Yes.

Phil:  Well by golly. I don’t believe there’s ever been anyone more qualified to be President of these here United States. You sure got my vote.

Cruz:  Thanks, Phil! Can I take off this camo now?

Phil:  You still got some learnin’ to do, boy.

I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

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A lucky man. Also a lawyer. Classic oxymoron.

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