Fair and Balanced

Why biased cable news outlets are ruining our nation.


Is thinking for yourself too difficult? Do you not have enough time to educate yourself on issues that will have enormous implications on our nation? Would you like to get your information on such issues from blowhards who are paid to spout off agendas that may or may not be their own? Well have I got the solution for you! Don’t worry. Just go ahead and take their “opinions” at face value. Don’t take time to ask questions. Everything is much easier this way.

So what is this solution of which I speak? It’s the Fox News Network! Fair and Balanced, baby. Don’t tune in to the dozens of mainstream news networks feeding you liberal rhetoric! They’re all lying to you. Fox News cares enough about you to tell you the truth.

Should it matter that Fox News’ owner, News Corporation, donated $1,000,000 to the Republican Governors Association in 2010? Nah. These guys are going to give it to you straight. Definitely, no biased reporting. Should it matter that managing editor Bill Sammon shoots out memos to the staff “suggesting” on air lap dogs talent use negative terms when referring to Universal Healthcare? No way. Just put your blinders on and ingest it all so you can regurgitate it the next time one of those crazy liberals says that we all have the right to receive medical care when we’re sick. What a crock!

You’ll most certainly get the straight dope from the morning “news” show, Fox & Friends. Only a fair and balanced news program would air a four-minute video attacking our current President’s record in office and then later claim that he offered to pay for a museum of Muslim culture out of his own pocket. No scare tactics here, guys! Just look past the fact that that claim was based on a report retrieved from a spoof website. Oops. No worries. You can be sure that Fox News employs the best journalists in the world. Everyone makes mistakes.

Want more fairness? Want more balance? Fox News has it. I mean what isn’t fair and balanced about running a program hosted by a man who authored three books entitled  Let Freedom Ring: Winning the War of Liberty over Liberalism, Deliver Us from Evil: Defeating Terrorism, Despotism, and Liberalism, and Conservative Victory: Defeating Obama’s Radical Agenda? Yep. Everything seems to be on the up and up.

Don’t waste your time with reporting from networks like ABC, CBS and NBC that have been reporting news to our nation for over half a century. They’re just pushing liberal agenda. The only way to get the real truth is to get your news from a cable network funded by conservatives. Trust me on this.

So when you go to the polls to cast your vote for our next President in 2016, remember all those fair and balanced stories you have heard about the awful, no-good, country destroying Democrats that Fox News cared enough to tell you about. Then you’ll be sure to make the right choice by supporting a top-notch candidate such as Donald Trump or Ted Cruz. Thinking for yourself would just be too hard.


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Game of Groans.”

Posted by

A lucky man. Also a lawyer. Classic oxymoron.

2 thoughts on “Fair and Balanced

  1. You’re right, Fox is no more “fair and balanced” than the networks. There was a news program that tried to be unbiased and it went off the air for lack of viewers. Evidently, people like the sizzle with their news.

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